I’ve been engaged in men’s work for over 4 years now, and is a fundament of my personal growth along side embodiment practice and conscious relationship.
Through various workshops, retreats and 1:1 mentoring, these are some of the most impactful elements of men’s work.
REGAINING TRUST IN MEN
when you engage in activities and face challenges together, you learn that men actually are there to support you. You realize that other men do want the best for you.
since doing men’s work I am more comfortable in the presence of masculine men (in fact I relish it). I’d never say this was such a big fracture point for me, but since doing this work I notice how much more I crave it.
i also notice a lot of men struggle to hold eye contact with other men. it is too scary. it reveals too much. this stems from that latent mistrust of not being accepted fully in their rawest self. if that resonates, know men’s work can fix that.
BEING CHALLENGED & CULTIVATING MASCULINE ENERGY
doing hard shit together and pushing each other to your edge is so powerful. In whatever workshop or retreat setting, when you are pushed to your limits, made to endure, find calm in the middle of the storm - all the while knowing you’ve got brothers all around you wanting the rawest, most savage animal in you - is so invigorating.
this might be ice baths or intense workouts, even processing an emotional release. but the point is, when men come together with conscious intent, with a high value of camaraderie, the energy is nuclear.
if you’ve been part of team sports you may already have a sense of this. It’s when we immerse our self in such environments that we really cultivate masculine energy. society on the whole doesn’t offer that, and you certainly don’t get it from your partnership.
BEING HELD ACCOUNTABLE
whatever you may be holding off in your life, deliberating or procrastinating on, having a partner or a group of men hold you accountable to its completion is value like nothing else. accountability comes with consequences - if you don’t do it there’s consequences like having to pay money to someone or having to shave your head
and it’s not just our goals we’re held accountable to - it’s also our standards and values. when we share, other men can lovingly call us out where we’re falling short, kidding ourselves or are out of integrity.
most men are put off by such confrontation, failing to see the love and power in it.
SHARING & BEING SEEN
got heavy stuff on your chest? it’s not going to go away until you can talk about it. in the context of men’s work, all of you along with all your demons is welcome. men are there willing to hold space for you without judgement or giving advice.
to simply be heard in your rawest truth is incredibly powerful
not only that, through sharing you discover that the struggle you thought you were the only one enduring, is in fact almost identical to what many other men are going through. this sense of solidarity give you a feeling of strength and hope: you no longer feel you have to suffer or try get through it alone
HEALING THE WOUND WITH YOUR FATHER
the value of this can’t be emphasized enough. despite how good a relationship you might have with your father, there will be areas where there is still pain and resentment. perhaps only very small. it’s something that can’t be avoided in a parent-child relationships.
men’s work offers the opportunity to voice the things we’ve always need to say to our fathers, to accept the many ways we are much like our fathers, to give thanks for all he did do for us, and most importantly to intentionally break the chain of passing down generational trauma and poor relationships.
FEELING SUPPRESSED EMOTIONS
i need not emphasize this one, but it’s so common that men do not know how to deal with or process their emotions fully. it’s not something we’re taught. yet, they carry such weight and effect in our lives. from the quality of our relationships to our addiction, to our confidence and levels of procrastination.
our well-being (both physically and mental) is predicated on emotional hygiene. that’s not to say do have them. you can’t control whether you experience them or not, but you can control how you respond and process them.
men’s work offers spaces and practices for men to release pent-up emotions, whether grief, anger or guilt. and the results are so touching. men are newly born. they start experiencing lightness and happiness they’d not imagining feeling again.
Believe me, all this is possible when men get together and work on themselves.
It’s not always an easy ride, but always rewarding and fulfilling.
A man’s happiness is determined by the depth of meaning he has created in his life, and that’s what men’s work is all about.
Sincerely,
Fred
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